Why the First Order is hectic
by TheObsessedFanficer
Summary: Kylo Ren, Phasma, and Hux (The Trio) goof off. Neat freak Snoke get's bugged by their mischief. And the Resistance retreats at battle as they get freaked out by how odd the First Order really is. Post TFA Chapter fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

**Star wars, own, I do not.**

 **I felt silly. This is only my second fanfiction (neither completed!) So please, I would love to know how i can improve my writing!**

 **Likewise, I have put a Phineas and Ferb reference. If you find it, I love you!**

 **SUMMARY: Snoke is a neat freak, Phasma is an eavesdrop, and everyone is just like normal, murderous, blaster and light saber carrying guys, except when around Snoke, and Snoek is especially not normal.**

 **Caoi~ TheObsessedFanficer**

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Kylo Ren sat in a cardboard box, shabbily painted grey. He maneuvered his hands as if steering a ship. "The Finalizer has arrived at Jakku! Prepare to fly out, pilots! And get me Coffee! Some of that Sith roast!"

He was interrupted by Hux, who stared at Ren.

Ren had a poufy red wig on, a _rubber_ mask over his _metal_ mask. Not only that, he had stolen one of Hux's uniforms. And he had put it on over his normal Knight of Ren uniform, with Hux's rubber gloves on Ren's _normal_ gloves. Looking closer at Ren's mask, Hux screamed. On it was Hux's face, crudely painted, with black dots for eyes, an oval for a mouth, and a black triangle nose.

"What in the name of Snoke are you _doing_!? It looks fun!" Ren began to respond, looking quit eager, but Hux interrupted him. "Actually, you'll have to tell me later. We just gotta get to the conference room, before Snoke bites _my_ head off over hologram."

Ren nodded silently. Not Snoke! He thought in his mind as he shuffled off. Hux followed silently, not noticing the toilet paper which trailed after him, having stuck to his foot.

They entered the conference room, Ren pulling off the mask. They gaped at its walls and floor, which, though variant shades of black and grey, sparkled. Hux practically groaned. Not hologram, he thought. Live, in person. Face to face. He would recognize this level of cleanliness anywhere. Snoke did get discombobulated often.

Snoke turned in his likewise sparkling chair, wearing a pink fuzzy robe and bunny slippers, a hairnet on his head. His nose (or remnant of a nose, I suppose) wrinkled as he saw Hux and Ren. Rising from his seat, he walked up to Ren, silently pointing to a hairnet box, and a bag full of fuzzy pink slippers. Noticing that had already done the common safety protocols, he simply pointed to Hux's right foot, where a trail of toilet paper hung from the shoe.

"How absolutely disrespectful to my orders! See, gentlemen, this is just what I called you for." Noticing a tiny speck on the conference table, he rubbed it out with a carefully sanitized clothe. Ren stifled a yawn as Snoke began a boring speech. Luckily, he had a screen put inside his mask, so he was able to watch the minion movie.

"You see, the First Order is about _order_. So we have to keep our ships and battle stations as clean as possible, especially a ship as important as the Finalizer." Snoke said, glancing to the window. When he glanced back, his eyes were meant with two Hux's: One who was completely fake looking, and one who had to be the real Hux.

Walking to the Hux that was obviously real, he said "So something we should _not_ do is get toilet paper stuck on our foot!" Hux stammered. "Um, sir? The man you're talking to is Kylo Ren." At this Kylo Ren pulled off the General Hux mask, and while struggling to get it off, he accidentally releasing the Metal one, causing it to fall on his toe. He winced as Snoke stared at the scar on his face.

"No way! Ren's mask of you looked so realistic! You just look ugly!" Snoke said, directing the last part to Hux.

"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that you need to be cleaner. Now, go back to your duties. I have to shower 1,000,000 times a day. 64 more to go!" Snoke turned around, walking off.

Once outside, both men exhaled. Phasma met them at the door. "How did it go? I hear Supreme Leader Neat Freak is back." She said. (Of course once they were way out of earshot."


	2. Cake

**I'm so sorry about keeping you hanging like that! It's a long explanation, but, i got sick, my dad broke his toe, my mom broke her heel, and many other things. Life caught up to me. I hope you'll forgive me after reading this chapter. If you like this story, I'm starting another (sometime) on Kylo Ren and Phasma called:** ** _101 ways to Seduce Someone._** **Basically, 101 short chapters of funniness.**

 **I don't own Characters. George Lucas (or Disney?) does. Well, except poor Tanar.**

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After fully hearing out the boys about Snoke, Phasma was ready to relax- well, as well as she could working in a ruthless organization constantly fighting the resistance who's general happened to be Kylo's Mom... But who said she couldn't relax? It's not as if there's a war going on- oh WAIT! There is a war going on. *the final moment of understanding*

Annnyyywwaays! The author will now stop trying to make terrible jokes no one likes anyways.

Phasma turned to the boys. "I have some cake. Do you guys want a pei- Auugh!"

"Cake! Wheeere! I want CAKE!" Shouted Kylo. He tackled her. "Do you know the location of this mystical cake you speak of!?"

Phasma rolled her eyes. "Duh! It's in my quarters. You didn't have to try and kill me to get the cake!"

Kylo looked at her, a suspicious gleam in his mask. Or was that because of the light?

"If that's what it takes to get cake, I will do it in a heartbeat."

"WHAT! KYLO REN, YOU JUST ASKED FOR IT!" Shouted Phasma. She leaped at Ren, tackling him while he tried to ignite his lightsaber, only to find a flashlight. He desperately tried to hit Phasma with the flashlight, but you know, armor kinda doesn't let people do that.

Hux just sighed. "This will require a visit to the Medbay."

A few minutes later, Medbay visited and all, the trio had arrived in front of Phasma's quarters. Phasma unlocked the door slidey, thinga ma bob.

The door opened and Phasma and Ren passed through, crosing some 5 feet to sit on the bed. Hux faltered to pick up Millicent, his orange tabby cat, and walked through the door- only to have the door close and squish him between the door frame. Ren suppressed a smirk as Phasma commented that she needed that to get fixed.

Hux sighed and asked THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION IN THE UNIVERSE: "Phasma, where's the cake?"

Phasma gestured to the highest shelf above her bed, and lo and behold! There was cake. *gasps* No way! I was soo not expecting that.

Ren immediately cried out "I'll get it!" as he lunged for the cake. Phasma, of course, protested. "It's my cake! Let me get it!" and without further a do, she grabbed for it. And Hux simply reached to the top shelf after climbing onto the bed. He was too short to grab it without.

They all tried grabbing the cake, getting twisted and twisted, so focused on reaching the delectable treat that awaited them upon the highest shelf, that they didn't notice the door opening- only to reveal Tanar, the Awesomest Highest (Except Supreme Leader Snoke) Best at Job, (Except Supreme Leader Snoke) Supreme Leader assistant. AKA, glorified secretary.

She looked up from her Holo-pad. "Phasma I have some new assignme- HOLY SNOKE!" She stared, wide eyed, mouth open at the rather- er, scarring scene before her.

Phasma and Ren had become so entangled that Ren was on top of Phasma, arms on both sides, while Hux was standing behind him, desperately trying to climb up onto Ren's back to reach the cake. Phasma's helmet had fallen off, revealing her blond locks, as had Ren's. Except his revealed thick dark hair. And Millicent? She was sitting on the floor, innocently grooming her paw.

They all froze- Including Tanar. Tanar stood in the doorway, unobservant that the door continuously hit her.

She slowly raised the Holo-pad, and before the Trio could react, she snapped a picture of them, horrified faces and all.

A slow smile spread across her face as she cackled her head off, until an tiny intercom interrupted her. She pressed the mic on her sweater, and waited.

"Tanar! Who said you could laugh so hard! What's so funny!" Shouted Snoke. "Know, I just finished my shower and I'm cleaning the grapes with Windex. I do not want to come and see any trouble!"

"Of course not, sir. I'll send you a picture of what's so funny. Here, stay on and I'll send it to you."

Tanar pressed a few buttons, and the trio heard a swooshing sound, followed by the sound of- a jackal snorting?

Whoah. The grouped looked between each other. Was that Snoke laughing? Wait. Tanar had sent Snoke possibly the most embarrising picture in the world (TMEPITW for short)?

After Snoke was done imitating a jackal, he grew serious. "However funny this is, it's serious. Bring them to my office- and NOT that nasty, shedding cat!"

By now, the three had untangled themselves. Hux covered Millicents ears as he petted her. "Poor Millicent! She's so upset." Millicent responded with purring.

 **Hope you liked it. It was blah at first, but I hope it got funnier for you...**


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